Bar classes: to take or not to take?

So bar prep is weird, and has me thinking back to all that conflicting advice about how I should - no shouldn't! - no, I really should enroll in bar classes my second year - AND third! - no, no, I should just take what I want and not worry about the bar. I'm just going to relearn it in bar prep class anyway. But if I know what's good for me I have to take tax - corporations - trusts and estates - crim pro because I'm going to need it for the bar.

Uh huh. Clear as mud.

I'm about three weeks into bar prep classes now, and what I've found is that I am profoundly glad, in a way that is quite shocking to me, that I took advanced contracts my last semester. I absolutely hated it by the end of April, and was convinced that would be part of my downfall in law school. But now that I've graduated, and I'm listening to long, boring lectures about promissory estoppel and third-party beneficiaries and firm offers, I am SO HAPPY that it's all so fresh in my memory. I find myself just knowing the law to some of this stuff, without really needing to rely on the gazillions of mnemonics and fill-in-the-blank worksheets that Kaplan throws at you. I'm surprising myself, and feel a deep sense of relief in this moment. This is because I only got 3 wrong out of 17 practice questions I just did. Tomorrow will be another day.

On the other hand, I am convinced I had one of the best evidence teachers ever, and I felt really confident about my ability to master hearsay exceptions. Yet, the more I pay attention in bar lectures, the more confused I get. It's almost like I want to just tune it all out and stick with what I know. But that's not working. I took evidence my fall semester of 2L year, and despite feeling on top of the world at the time, I'm quite rusty. I don't trust myself to just KNOW this stuff, and rightly so, because I'm doing just over 50% on my practice problems.

The one cliche about bar prep that I heard during law school that has turned out to be very true is this: Bar review is just that - a review. Don't plan to learn the material there for the first time. It's too much material in too little time.

So in the end, yeah, I guess I come out in favor of taking the bar prep classes, but maybe just the ones that interest you. Cause I sure as hell didn't take taxation. Ask me if my opinion has changed after we do that portion of the review.

NaBloPoMo, yo (spray tan edition)

Yep, I'm gonna do it. Or try at least. Na(tional)Blo(g)Po(st)Mo(nth), here I come!

So what should I talk about to get started? How about spray tanning! After all, it was #28 on my 30 Before 30 list...

Ten Tips and Fun Facts About Spray Tanning:
1. That sh*t is cold! You are basically signing up to have your bare body sprayed down with something that feels like liquid oxygen: smoky, freezing and damp. Just so you know.

2. Wear baggy, old clothes that cover up as much skin as possible. Why? Because there are two ways to really mess up a newly spray-tanned body: allowing skin to touch skin and allowing rain to touch skin. Both of these things can be avoided with "modest" clothing. Guess which of these two spray tan newbie errors happened to me? Both! You can figure out why I suggest baggy and old, right?

3. Invest in Dove or Ivory Original Formula soap bars. That's what the lady told me anyway, and since she has won many awards for her spray tan expertise (or at least that's what she told me several times), I trust her. According to Lady, any other kind of soap with smelly fragrances and special formulas can do "funny things" to your tan.

4. If you don't moisturize already (I don't), be prepared to start. Because spray tan gunk will dry that skin out! And apparently that skin gets blotchy faster if you don't moisturize on the regular.

5. You will look like Pig Pen from Peanuts for the first day or so. Until you are allowed to shower, you pretty much just look super dirty and shiny, as if you've been walking through a dust storm that has somehow caused your face to look ultra greasy. It goes away.

6. Droplets of rain that fall down your arm, touch the tops of your feet or drip across your chest will not go away. But they will fade. And look like stretch marks. See #2.

7. Day #2 is the Oompa-Loompiest day. I found myself looking the most orange on the first full day after my tan, once I had showered and the actual tan had started to "come in." On the plus side, my teeth appeared ultra-shiny white!

8. Day #4 is your best day. Which is why if you are getting tanned for a Saturday event, I recommend doing the tan on a Wednesday. On Saturday my skin was the color of perfectly golden toasted marshmallow. (Right down to the puffiness, but that's no fault of the spray tan.) I'll admit it: I looked pretty damn good!

9. You can get creative with tan lines. The first question my tanning lady asked me when we got into the room was whether I wanted to tan nude. That was her suggestion, but I decided against it, opting instead for a cute pair of undies that I never wear because they are...uncomfortable. However, they made for a great tan line, so I'm glad I've held on to them all these years! You could do the bikini thing if you're shy, but really, there are endless possibilities when it comes to the spray tan outfit. Have fun with it!

10. At $30-$50 per tan, it's probably not really worth doing on a regular basis, considering the upkeep and, well, cost. But would I do it again? For another fancy event in California? Sure! For most anything else, meh. Maybe if T is treating.

BOTTOM LINE: There's really nothing scary about a spray tan, and it's kind of fun and makes for a good story. Plus, you really don't come out looking all orange-y, like everyone warned me I would. If you're on the fence, I'd recommend trying it just once, if only for sh*ts and giggles!

The Five Steps and other shrinky-dink advice

Pardon the self-help speak, but it so happens that I'm a big fan of lay cognitive psychology. Internet and armchair mental health diagnoses have helped me through some tough times when I didn't have access to or didn't think I needed an MH professional.

It was this old bag of tricks that I found myself turning to this afternoon, in a moment of panic and anxiety over an incident that occurred just as I was preparing to leave work and threatened to ruin my entire evening.

Allow me to present to you the Five Steps.* This is a trick that helps during those times when your world feels like it's caving in on you. It helps you to move past overwhelming emotions that threaten to paralyze you. I used to have this problem a LOT more, before I was diagnosed with PMDD and got treatment. But from time to time (i.e. today) it helps to remember ways to get past a tough moment.

So... the scene is this: I'm headed to the back of the office to drop off my case files for the day, when I run into my supervising attorney, signing out for the day. He catches my eye and, with a mouthful of food, says, "JE, come see me tomorrow afternoon so we can talk."

"Sure," I breezily reply. "What's up?"

And then The Very Fleeting Moment. He averts his eyes, pauses midbite and kinds of shrugs. I quickly jump in.. "Oh, okay. Just...stuff, right?" He immediately nods his head. "Yeah, just to talk about a few things."

Now, we just got together yesterday to review all my cases, so I know this isn't about what's going on with my case load. I went into his office to drop off my files, and saw the lastest assignment I'd turned into him, sitting on his desk with scribbles and notes all over it. For a split second, I thought about scanning over it, but his door was open and another attorney would've had a full view of what I was doing.

Nope. I was just going to have to wait. And stew. Thoughts immediately began running through my head, but they were incoherent. They took the form of a dark cloud appeared over my head. I messed up. Hiring me was a big mistake. He's terribly disappointed with the caliber of my work. I spent too much time with the FIFA games streaming on my computer. I'm not dressing appropriately. I shouldn't have called his cell phone (to tell him I was going to be late... I panicked!). I bug him too much. I don't communicate enough. I'm the worst intern they've had in a long time... on and on. You get the picture.

Enter: The Five Steps

Step One: HALT

Am I Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired?

Well... yes, I am kind of tired. Later it turned out that I was hella tired, because I fell asleep for two hours after I got home. But at the time, I mostly just felt weary from a long day at the office. Not hungry, not lonely and not angry. It's possible that my exhaustion was exaccerbating my emotions, but I doubted it...

Step Two: Define the Problem

The problem was that ever since my boss told me that he needed to talk to me tomorrow and I realized that he had reviewed my assignment, I felt really anxious and inadequate because I knew that the product I turned in wasn't in the format he wanted it and it still needed a lot of work, so I was panicking and I was petrified of how I would feel in the meeting tomorrow.

Step Three: Think of (Exactly) Three Courses of Action

Okay... One, I could think through my feelings and then talk back to my twisted thinking (e.g. "I can't do anything right!... Wait, that's not true. I was complimented on my research skills by ED yesterday.") Two, I could wait until T got home and then talk to him about it. Three, I could distract myself and push the thoughts out of my head.

Step Four: Pick One Course of Action

I really wanted to spend more time thinking about what was bothering me. I also wanted to just forget all these uncomfortable feelings altogether, but I suspected that would just make me feel worse in the morning and I'd be cranky all night. So I picked #1, and decided that if I still felt bad, I would also do #2.

Step Five: JUST DO IT!

Well, I was riding on the bus when I was working through these steps, so I couldn't exactly write down my thoughts. But I did go through them silently to myself. I won't bore this blog with the innerworkings of my mind (anymore than I already have), but I will say that after spending some time when I got home identifying my twisted thinking and working to untwist some of my thoughts, I fell into a deep sleep. When I woke up, I felt 95% better! And that's good enough for me.

* I didn't come up with this. Please see this website for more information and tools for panicky, reactionary minds. All the concepts mentioned here come from there.

Summer jobs: 2nd time's the charm?

So tomorrow is the first day of my 2L summer job. I'll be working for an immigration...firm? Legal services organization? What do you call it? I really don't know. I should check their website for a better description, cause that issue ain't gonna stop coming up until I figure it out. I don't want to live out this scene from my current favorite television show on Netflix Wii.

Anyway, I'm starting tomorrow and I am nerrrrrvous!

I haven't heard from the hiring attorney since the job offer, except for a quick email back during finals when he asked me and the other intern to bring in our laptops on our first day. (They have a space issue.) I think I'm going to wear a black skirt from a skirt suit that I got for Xmas (yay! grown-up christmas presents!) and a pair of black pumps I just picked up at Target for $19.99. The problem is the top. I just sent most of my work appropriate clothes over to the dry cleaner for their annual dog-hair removal day. But they won't be back until late tomorrow afternoon. I have a dressy-ish tee that I just picked up, but that may be too casual and too long. I've got a cute blue top but it's sleeveless - big no no. The nice sweaters I have are just unbearable to think about in the humid 90 degree weather that has placed a curse over Big City for the past few days. What to do! Have I mentioned I have outfit anxiety?

The other big question is how I'm going to get to work. It's a good 12 city blocks to my west and about 8 or 10 blocks north of here. I could walk to work with T; he does it every day. But his job is about 6 blocks closer to home than mine. There's the bus that goes north, the bus that goes west... I could walk to the train and transfer... Oh, my. It's a not-fun Choose Your Own Adventure!

And, crap, I just told T I'd clear the table for our 9:35 p.m. Spanish-style late-night dinner. Gotta run now. Be back after it's all over.

Skip the meat.

If you find yourself walking along a busy, but unfamiliar, stretch of highway, looking for something to eat in a hurry, I have a tip for you. It's always prefereable to eat at a roadside restaurant of the Tastee Freez variety, with no indoor seating and a giant homemade sign advertising its world-famous [insert food/drink here]. That much should go without saying. However, if the roadside americana decor includes a proud proclamation that "We use government inspected meats ONLY!" then for the love of God...skip the burger! (Stock up on the root beer though. That s#$t is good!)



This PSA brought to you by JE, the hungriest person stuck in Jersey waiting for the train to Atlantic City on a Saturday afternoon.

Bad Law Student, be a Good Law Student

Okay, maybe one day I'll come back to finish my last post. But life, eh? Especially life in the lead-up to finals.

I'm sitting on the floor of the living room (from this blog, you'd think that's where I spend all my time), working on my Corporations outline. Because I'm one of those Bad Law Students who doesn't have their outline finished the day before the exam. I'm trying to ignore the voice in my head, taunting, "If you don't know it by now, you might as well forget it." Because I didn't know it by the day before my exams the last few semesters either, and I did okay.

I learned some major lessons this semester though. This Spring 2L year has been nothing like my other semesters, and not in a good way. I could blame it on my new laptop (I always handwrote before). I could blame it on my psychiatrist who basically laughed in my face at the beginning of the semester when I expressed concern about having ADD. I could blame it on the awesome winter break I had and the Xmas gift of Super Mario Wii, both of which were hard to put down. How about "all of the above"?

Whatever the case, when I sat down to finally get serious with my casebooks and *really* study for finals, I found exactly what I knew I was going to find all along. I'd avoided it but the day had finally come. Yes, when I cracked open Law of Agency and Corporations, this is what I found: Nothing. Blindingly white pages. Opening the file that supposedly contained my notes? Gobbledeegook. What?! What have I been doing all semester?!

Maybe I was expecting that somebody would see me frittering my time away and say, "hey, JE, you really need to get serious. You're going to be TESTED on all this stuff." Maybe I secretly thought, "The only thing that can wake me from this trance is to fall flat on my face." Maybe I believed that it didn't matter how hard I worked or didn't work, the grades would be random anyway.

I want to make a set of resolutions to myself for next semester. I've got a summer to refresh and recharge. I want to go back to being the hard-working, earnest student I was before this semester. I want to believe that I can get back my law school mojo. I don't want to carry around my old high school "too cool to study, too smart to fail" attitude, but I don't want to knock my teeth out on the concrete in order to rid myself of that mentality.

I may or may not be able to regain my Good Law Student badge, but if I even want a shot, here's what I must do next semester:

1. Throw out all my old highlighters with varying amounts of ink.
2. Buy a brand new pack - 6 colors: blue, yellow, pink, green, orange, purple.
3. Buy a bunch of pens with good ink flow.
4. Label the notebooks you bought this past semester and never used - put the name of one class on each.
5. Buy all your books before class starts.
6. Hand write your notes every day.
7. Don't bring your laptop to school.
8. If you have your laptop at school for some reason, activate Freedom for the entire time you plan to be on campus.
9. Highlight while you read.

Well. That's about it. Now back to cobbling together an outline for Corps before my 8-hour take home exam tomorrow. Best of luck to all youse students out there mucking your way through your own finals hell!

Every. Little. Bit. Counts.

Holy crap, I just did a lot of work. And by "work", I mean all that not-reading work that accompanies the long death march toward finals. You know. Outlines.

Today I finally paid attention to that neat little gadget called Google Docs that seems to be all the rage about the law school. And I discovered that I can work on the same outline from home, from school, from a library computer, from a rental laptop and even from outer space*!

So I worked on my Trust & Estate outline for like 30 minutes at school, found out my night class was cancelled, came home, cooked for like an hour and a half (stuffed acorn squash AND avocado & cilantro deviled eggs? for real...), ate dinner with T, engaged in some late-semester arguing about my less-than-sunny demeanor and settled back in at the computer. Where I just completed the first quarter of my T&E outline! With a month to go!

Word of advice to any 1Ls reading this blog out there... Outlining is daunting. And if you wait to start (like I do) you will find yourself scrambling to assemble a semi-comprehensible guide to an entire semester of legal principles (x 4 or 5, depending on your course load) in less than four weeks. That's okay! Outlining is daunting. If you're like me, you will put it off because of the sheer immensity of the task. That's NOT okay. Every. Little. Bit. Counts. If you only outline half a class lecture, you will be crying tears of gratitude at a later date for those five fewer cases you'll have to reconstruct from your crappy notes and half-assed briefs.

Actually, I think that's just a word of advice to myself. Disguised as "wisdom" for someone else, it's actually me just reminding myself to keep up the good work!


*probably, assuming there's wifi up there.

Why getting to 2L year is like having a second kid

i have to preface what i'm about to do with a disclaimer admission or three. first, YES, i do read pregnancy blogs. (i also read parenting blogs, quiverfull blogs, grandma blogs, law student blogs and blogs about how to dress yourself. and my IRL friends' blogs. and people i hardly knew in college's's blogs.) second, YES, i am supposed to be reading about trust & estates, employment law and political and civil rights right now. third, NO, i am not wearing pants.

which is all pretty much typical for 9:30 on a weeknight, and was all true about 5 minutes ago when i came across a cute little post on A Little Pregnant, where i washed up after one of my nightly blog-surfing expeditions. half of my mind was blissfully tuned out of MY reality and into some other sucker's life. the other half was doubtlessly fixated on all the work i should be (but am not) doing. but as i continued to read, i realized that this crazy woman, describing her experience with a second kid, was starting to sound a LOT like me, describing my experience with a second year of law school to anyone who will listen.

thus, i present to you, "Why Getting to 2L Year is Like Having a Second Kid":

It is easier this time around, everything about babyhood law school, exactly like everyone told me it would be. That's true for a lot of reasons, most of them obvious, all based on prior experience: you know the tough parts end; you know that one day you'll have more time to yourself, more sleep, more sex; you know how to take care of a baby not fail your classes; you know that even if the baby you runs a high fever, develops a full-body rash, and suddenly sprouts a third eye just so he you can cry more, it's probably just a virus time to start outlining. That experience is much more persuasive than anyone else's assurances, so while the drudgery — I mean the endlessly repetitive daily blessings, hallelujah, lo, how I love skimming vomit from the bathtub! not having to go to work! Blueberries Greenbacks, aweigh! — of keeping a baby the dream of becoming a lawyer alive is the same, my feelings about it are altogether different this time. (This time I think, Could be worse. Could be hot dog med school.)

Honeymoon's over

Ohhhhh... okay. Now I remember why I'm not supposed to be relieved to be back in law school! Today I started back up at my summer (now fall) internship. I'm going to be working about 12 hours a week. At first I was excited about it. For a few hours, it felt like I was back to being a regular working woman, instead of just some girl who decided she hadn't had enough of school yet. Well, that lasted about until I met T on the sidewalk for the walk home. Since then, I've recalled...

1. When you come home for the day, the day isn't over. By a long shot. You gotta figure out how to feed yourself (and your family, of course!) and make up for the long hours that your dog has been languishing away (if you have a dog, of course!), without losing all momentum to get work done.

2. After taking a break to [a] walk the dog and/or [b] cook dinner and/or [c] eat dinner, you can choose to either sit down to resume reading assignments that automatically get 1000x harder to understand after the sun has set or take a REAL break by watching Hulu and blog-stalking guiltily.

3. Eventually, you will notice that it's nine or ten or eleven o'clock, and you will feel vague, lazy panic. That is when it's time to close the browser and go back to the books. Regardless of whether you WANT to finish the reading tonight or not, you WILL read until you can't keep your eyes open, because even if you don't get called on in class tomorrow, you're going to have another 100 pages to read on top of whatever you don't get done tonight.

4. When the love of your life comes in to ask if you want to watch a movie, you must recall that promise you made about law school not becoming your entire life. You must engage in the kind of ad-hoc balancing test that would make Scalia's toes curl, weighing "good night's sleep and more productive day tomorrow" against "positive deposit in the love bank and higher quality relationship (that will be more likely to last through the end of law school)."

5. You will put the books down eventually. But you won't feel done. No. You won't feel done until the air is freezing cold outside, there is snow on the ground and you are about to spend the last of your student loan money on Christmas gifts that double as "sorry I haven't talked to you in 5 months" friendship bribes.

When I remembered all this, I wrote it down here. Because I will want to come back to this before next semester starts. Before I get too giddy again.

OMG I'm about to be married...

Okay, right about now is when I look at all the people, especially young people, in my life that are already married, and I think to myself: How did they do it? Right about now, I am wishing I paid more attention to my friends when they were getting married, at their bridal showers and bachelorette parties and last minute visits, and watched and marvelled. How did they do it and stay so calm? Or, if they were freaking out, how did they manage to keep it together?

Today, I woke up in a panic about the fact that we have less than 10 days to Pull It Together. I know what my friend O says: "It's Just One Day." I know what my friend B says: "Don't lose sight of the Real Meaning of It All." I know what my friend K says: "You won't remember half the Stuff You Freaked Out About." I also know that this is just like law school -- half the fun is in freaking out and getting excited and nervous and thinking, "holycrapIcan'tbelievethisisactuallyhappeningtome!" (In a good way, of course.) But still. It's times like this I wish I lived closer to my friends, especially my bridesmaids. I could really use some girl time.

The obligatory "Advice to 1Ls" post

Well, seeing as how school is about to start back up in the blink of an eye, I figure there must be hundreds if not thousands of eager, nervous and ravenously curious rising 1Ls scouring the internet for advice right now... No? Was that just me?

Anyway, this time last year, I was pretty much searching constantly for advice and other ways to get a bit of a head start on my law school experience. Like so many who came before me, and so many who shall succeed, I refused to believe that there was nothing I could really do except enjoy the last of my free days. Yet, the time-worn advice turned out to be true. Thus, with full recognition that I risk tainting this post with a condescending tone, I present my bulleted advice for future law students...

BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS
- Call your friends. Often. Reiterate how much you care about them. Whether you are leaving town or staying, your relationships with your nearest and dearest are about to become strained, if not estranged. Best to jump into the law school fray with your friendships on solid footing. You'll spend the next few months staring guiltily at your Facebook page thinking how you should really pick up a phone, just after you finish all your reading and get a head start on that outline....

- Read Planet Law School. While not everybody is in agreement with me on this one, I happen to think it gave me a pretty good, grounded perspective with which to approach the whole law school thing. I'll be the first to admit the guy who wrote it has a chip on his shoulder the size of Texas and whoever edited the book did a terrible job. Nonetheless, I found it gave the most practical advice and enough warnings so that I didn't go in to class on the first day feeling too naive. I wouldn't recommend buying the book, or reading every word, but definitely give it a good skim over while seated in a comfy chair at your local bookstore.

- Save your money. School starts pretty soon, so it's a little late for this one. But trust me. Every bit of money helps. The more you have socked away, the less debt you'll have to go into, and the less guilty you'll feel every time you buy your lunch rather than pack one, etc.

- Enjoy life. Every bit of it. Enjoy going grocery shopping without feeling riddled with anxiety over all the other things you could be doing. Enjoy reading a book for pleasure on your front stoop. Take a walk. Have sex. Go on a weekend excursion. Just, live. Because, trust me, you're going to start feeling jealous of people standing in line at the DMV before the next year is through.

- Buy your books online. Don't waste your money at the school bookstore. Yes, yes, I know you might not get them in time for classes. You can almost always find the casebook in the library if your shipment hasn't come in yet. But you will save yourself boatloads if you buy used and buy online. I recommend DealOz.com. It aggregates the best textbook deals all over the web. A total time saver!

WHEN SCHOOL STARTS
- Use the E&Es. In my opinion these are the most helpful study aids. But, okay, they may not be for you. Everyone will obviously have a different opinion, but seriously, these are the cream of the crop. Whatever you do, GET a study aid, no matter what your professor tells you. Nobody gets extra points for doing well in a class without using extra materials. That's just risky and making life harder on yourself. That said...

- Trust your own gut. If you don't like studying in groups, don't. Study groups aren't necessary and can be an enormous waste of time for those who don't get something out of it. If you can't stand commercial outlines (like me), don't use them. If briefing cases is sucking up all your time, don't spend so much time briefing. I'll be honest, I gave up briefing early on. Whatever your strategy, just go with it and do not (I repeat: do not!) look around at what everyone else is doing and decide you should be doing that too. That is a trap. A very powerful, at times almost irresistable, trap. Half of the people are only doing what they're doing because they see everyone else doing it. The rest are just as clueless as anyone else about what to do, they're just trying to follow their gut. Be one of those ones.

- Avoid the "How Much?" game. "How much have you read for next class?" "How far are you on your outlines?" "How many hours were you up studying last night?" "How late were you at the library last night? How caught up are you on your briefing?" How easy is it to get into this kind of conversation? As easy as running into another 1L on the train to school, in the bathroom before class or in line at the coffee shop. Talk about the weather. Talk about sports, or Lost, or the state of the economy. Talk about whatever topic you're learning in class, if you must. But avoid talking about your study habits. I guarantee it will only leave you feeling insecure. If it doesn't, you're probably getting some kind of reputation for knowing it all - which can be a problem on a number of levels.

- Get Black's Law Dictionary. I got it second semester and wished I'd had it first semester. It's just a time saver. You'll pick up words and phrases like demurrer, declaratory judgment, on the merits, inter alia MUCH faster if you have Black's Law Dictionary. You'll figure them out pretty quickly anyway, but the more time you save on little things and the more you understand a case, the easier it is to get your work done, and done well. And by the way, nobody gives you definitions in law school. Occasionally, a good case book will have some explanations, but for the most part, you're on your own to figure stuff out.

- Go to office hours. This is one piece of advice I am still trying take myself. I hardly if ever went. But I saw my classmates go frequently, and I saw how it paid off. If not in grades, at least in confidence and ease of understanding of the materials. You'll quickly start to see some of your classmates having a much stronger grasp of concepts than others after the first few weeks. It's kind of scary. The ones who "get it" are often the ones who aren't afraid to ask questions and enter into discussion with the prof outside of class.

There is probably a bunch more I could say, but I don't feel like typing out all night. And I'm no expert. I'm just one opinion of many, many opinions, all of which have something important to contribute. But anyway, I did decent in class this past year, and I'm happy to report that I will be returning for 2L year, so for what it's worth, I hope this advice has been something useful! Good luck!

rhymes with pronfession

confession #1: i have no idea why my last blog post looks like it does. i wrote what i wrote in a text document, then decided i might as well post it on the blargh. for some reason it copied and pasted that way. i thought it looked cool.

confession #2: i am worried about a loved one having a drinking problem. i'm not sure how to deal with this, as it's a problem i've never had to deal with before. anyone out there? experiences with this?

confession #3: i cried on the phone with my dad today. this was after a big fight we had as i was leaving virginia last weekend. the tears took me by surprise, but out they came. big, fat and hot. i felt better.

confessions aside, i've been doing farmworker outreach for the last couple of days. i would write more about that, but the tenor i'm getting from the blarghosphere is that i shouldn't. so i won't.

t and i spent the night, as we promised each other we would, plotting out the ceremony details. all sorts of things that The Knot timelines say to do months in advance (you know, back when we were getting engaged), we're just getting around to doing. like, finding someone to perform the service. still looking for that special photographer. could it be you?

in other news, i am working on reading the new testament. i figure, i gotta start somewhere on this 30 before 30 thing. i really want to get out and take some film pictures with my ol' SLR, but i am gonna wait until i am done with my job after next week (woohoo!) to do that. last night, i read my single chapter aloud to T, who said, "borrrrrringgggg..." and i said, "i know!" but then the jealous king killed all the little children under 2, and i remembered hearing that story when i was a kid, and i thought, "how tragic! how violent! i wonder what happens next?" i am trying to psych myself up. ah, agnosticism!

Still don't know what to do

Training is at 8:30 tomorrow morning, and I don't know whether to ask my brand-new boss if I can leave work early on Friday to travel out of the country. I mean, my cousin is getting my ticket. So, if I don't ask (or tell) her, the ticket and miles get wasted, I think? But I don't want to ruin my reputation this early on in the summer. (Or at all!)

Plus, I'd have to come into work late on Thursday.

What a horrible time for a family member to get quadripeligic and have to go on life support!

Call for advice

Dear reader,

If you happen across this blog and have ever worked in a summer legal internship, I need your advice on a sensitive issue. I start my summer internship at a legal aid clinic on Monday. Well, technically, I'm at a training on Monday and Tuesday, and then it's to work. I'm excited about the job! I'll be working for a single attorney with a single paralegal, on a specific issue.

Here's the problem. Earlier this week, I received news that my uncle, who I am close with, suffered a stroke. This was a shock because he is physically fit, relatively young and healthy. He also lives in my family's country of origin (i.e. not in the USA). My uncle has generously hosted me for visits for years, and is all around a very loving, caring guy.

Flashforward to yesterday. The first reliable news comes in. He didn't suffer a stroke, it was an aneurysm that burst. Due to congenital defects, his brain cells immediately started dying, and he suffered serious brain injury. He is now stabilized, but he is quadripeligic, only able to move his eyes up and down. Most of the time he is sedated, but when he's not unconscious, they say he is aware of what's going on around him. This is not going to change.

Tio is on life support, but according to his will, he stated he never wanted to be left on life support. However, in the country where he is hospitalized, the doctors make the final decision. Family is rallying together to fly relatives to visit him this week. I am making arrangements to get my passport in order so I can go.

The problem? My work. I just plan to go for the weekend, which is amazingly possible. But all flights seem to leave during the day. I can take a night flight but I won't get there until Saturday morning, and I'd have to leave Sunday morning in order to be back in time for work on Monday. So I would either have to go for 24 hours, miss all/part of a day on Friday or miss all/part of a day on Monday. And this is my first week. I have to book my flight before my passport meeting this week.

Should I even bring this up to my boss, or just do the 24 hour visit and not say a word? If I do bring this up, should I e-mail her this weekend or wait to mention it at the training? Do I mention it casually to see what she says, or do I approach her directly? Please advise whether I will kill my reputation early by bringing this issue to the table!

Thank you ever so much, reader. I appreciate it.

Nightmares

I just read this thing (while thinking the entire time about the Crim Law reading I need to catch up on) and it made me want to either laugh or cry. Probably both. I feel like doing a lot of those two things these days.

i'm calling this day quits

god bless my heart, i tried my darndest but i just couldn't quite get it done.

i've learned a lesson though. when a memo is due in two days, and i sit down in front of the computer and vow to myself to get it all done, and then i don't, it's not because i'm not working hard enough. t helped me to realize this yesterday when after several hours of attempting to concentrate (and, okay, one beer) i flopped myself down on the floor and he commented on how hard i was working. "no i'm not," i muttered. and as i heard my words, i realized how ridiculous they were. yes, i am. i am working damn hard. i'm working my ass off, actually. i'm just not getting where i need to be. and why? because i'm not working smart.

i had no excuse for waiting until two days before a memo was due to crack down on it. not that this is any new trend. it's just that in college, like in high school, it was no big thing to stay up all night working on a paper. i mean, yes, it was a pain. but it was a pain from which i could easily recover. this, though. this is me looking down at a future in law and realizing that if i don't get my act together, this is the kind of stress i'll be putting on myself my whole working life. it's unnecessary. i feel a different kind of incentive to change my strategy. now, i just hope i can get my act together to actually put it into practice.

tomorrow, when i turn in my memo, i'll get the next assignment. that one will be graded. that's when i'll get to put the pedal to the metal and get things done for america. i mean, for me. whoops. for a second there, i fell asleep.

Biden time

Actually this post has nothing to do with Obama's VP pick, except to say that T's phone went off this morning while it was sitting on my side of the bed, so I actually was the one to first read his "First to Know" text message announcing the pick. T learned the VP confirmation via my already half-asleep announcement: "It's Biden."

So what am I writing about here? Nothing really. I just feel the need to seize the computer while I have the chance. (Mine is still in pieces on the floor of our bedroom, to be assembled tomorrow.)

The final bit of orientation took place today. I rode the city bus up from my new neighborhood to the far north of the city, where a group of first year students participated in the annual 1L service project. After a long week of orientation-type activities, I was kind of regretting having signed up for the extra engagement. But it turned out to be a lot of fun. Not only did I get to play a bunch of foosball with some extra-competitive kids, but I also had a pretty interesting tour of the city on the half-hour ride up.

It's kind of cool how many different nooks and crannies there are to discover about this place. T and I explored two this evening. The first was part of a simple search for pizza. We walked up the main touristy thoroughfare that is just a block from our apartment, and after abandoning our table at the first place (it was far fancier than our budget allowed), we settled for Olympia Pizza, a cheap looking joint just up the block. Turned out to be the absolute worst pizza I've ever had. Tasted like cardboard topped with ketchup and cheese product. Still and all, it was one more place to cross of our list, and we discovered a neat little comic book store on the walk over.

Later, our second expedition found us walking several blocks east toward the fabled 24-hour dog park. The park turned out to be a typical city pocket park, with a dog run that was simply left unlocked at night. Neither of the two dog parks we've visited have had grass, and this one was laid with a fine, dusty gravel. It took a while, but we finally convinced E that it was, in fact, a dog park and he was, in fact, allowed to run around. He was skeptical of the gravel and, principe that he is, he daintily walked the concrete perimeter of the place for several minutes before deigning to get his paws dirty. But he came back pooped.

The public interest director and I rode the same bus back to our places after the service project this afternoon. On the ride back, I made a comment about how I'd been lead to believe that law school was going to be one of the hardest things ever. She looked at me in complete dead pan and said, "Being a lawyer is hard. Being a grown-up is hard. Law school is not that hard." She added that I should know, having been a grown-up for the past five years. (Her definition of grown-up being someone who is working and not in school.) Following that logic, I'm hopeful that this experience will be a fun challenge, not torture. I'm writing this post because I'm curious how I will look back on it in nine months, when I'll be a little more qualified to comment on the subject.

Rejected, or fighting stinkin thinkin

So I haven't officially been rejected from any schools yet. But of the nine schools I applied to, I had only received responses from three as of last night.

If LawSchoolNumbers.com is any indication, I am likely to be waitlisted at American University. It appears that their slots are currently full, as literally every person who reported hearing back from them in the last week received a "Waitlist" or a "Rejected" response.

Based on the numbers, and the fact that I really messed up my application, I am about 95% confident that I will not get into UVA.

And for the sheer fact that they were long shots to begin with, I am not holding out any hope for Columbia or Northwestern.

That leaves University of Minnesota, a school to which I have heretofor held no serious inclination to attend, and the University of Richmond, who may or may not let me in, but whose program inspires little excitement.

Compounding all of this is the fact that I waited until close to the deadline on nearly all of these schools, despite being warned emphatically by my guidebook that to do so would be to drastically reduce my odds. In my defense, I was waiting for most of that time on my letters (specifically one) of recommendation to come in. But that does not excuse the fact that I should have completed everything else way ahead of time, instead of sticking to my usual M.O. of procrastinating.

I feel mournful now, in the way that someone who has shot herself in the foot perhaps grieves for her departed big toe. This all could have been prevented with a little more self-discipline and foresight.

But then, what is "this all" that I should have worked to prevent? Getting the cold shoulder by several schools while being warmly accepted and encouraged by two of my favorites? Temple and Texas are nothing to shake a stick at, especially that Texas, for which I had begun to give up hope long before any letters had arrived.

And then again, there is that wonderful DBT mantra, "I did the best I could with what I had been given." My life was not devoted to law school for the entire past year, nor was I entirely certain that this is the path I wanted to take, even as I was applying. So, forgive me, self, if I was not throwing all of my weight and time and energy into law school applications in November or December. Come to think of it, I took my LSATs in December, so.

Okay, I could have gotten them in sooner. I probably should have stuck to my original plan of trying to have them all in by December. But given what I've done and where I've come, I can say I'm okay with what I've got. I just have to remember not to take it all personally (ahh... the fourth of the Four Agreements).

And besides, now I can share my first piece of law school advice for others to disregard, in their own time: Apply as early as you can, and don't wait for all your letters of recommendation to come in before you send in your application! (Yes, turns out you can do that.)