...and I moved!

In light of major changes in my life, and the fact that Blogger is a part of Google, and Google is increasingly taking over the internet and every shred of our privacy along with it, I decided to switch blogging platforms and create a new blog at the same time. Every time I write a blog post, every time I start a blog, I wonder if I should announce it to my people from Real Life. I blog under the assumption that there are people I know from real life reading, but I never directly address it. Maybe on this next blog, I will.

For those of you (are there any of you?) who have continued to click on my new blog posts, who have continued to check for updates... please consider the new blog an extension of the this one. Except instead of learning to cope with being on the dark-half of my twenties, it starts with me at age 30, a newly minted lawyer and expecting a baby. So, whoo-hoo! Here we go...

Who is JE Guide to Life?

I never used to understand why people posted about their blogs being boring. I've always just done a blog to do a blog. To have a place to put down thoughts, and secretly entertain the thought that Someone Out There cared. (Someone Out There typically being my future self.) But lately, I can't shake the feeling that my blog is just plain boring.

Maybe that has something to do with my recent obsession with other people's blogs. Just to give you an idea of how obsessed I've been with blogs, I'm going to link every word of this paragraph, starting now, with various blogs I've landed upon over the past week or so. I'm just pulling them out of my history.

Lately I've been reading a gazillion blogs about newlyweds and new families (i.e. "we just had a babyyyy!" blogs). I am interested in these blogs because they show a different life than the one I have now. These are blogs centered entirely around the matrimony or the wedded bliss or the TTC journey. These aren't blogs of women (or men) who happen to be married or mothers. These are people who choose to center their online identity on their family status. I am thinking a lot about that.

What is my online identity? Do I even have one? Amongst the many law school blogs out there, I think mine does not stand out, largely because I'm not really writing much about law school. I'm not a mom so I'm not a MILP. Law school is not my primary identity. I'm married, but even though the engagement, planning, ceremony and honeymoon all happened over the course of the past blogging year, it barely registered a blip on JE Guide to Life. I didn't write it all down here, largely because I didn't feel compelled to. I own a dog, but he's not my Fur Baby and I don't have much to say about him either.

What do I have to say? Maybe nothing much. I don't like to post my deepest thoughts and feelings on this blog because I tend to be a private person, and I have no idea who from Real Life is reading. (Thanks for staying on the DL, by the way, Real Life friends :) I prefer to control who knows what I'm thinking and why and when I'm thinking it. Unfortunately, that makes for a boring blog.

Sometimes, funny things happen in my budding marriage that make me want to write them down in here. Sometimes, I look at the dog, smile and feel like I should say something about him here. Sometimes, bad things happen and I want to talk about them. Sometimes, school gets the better of me and I must vent or explode. But mostly, I guess I'm just gazing at my own shoes, being not that interesting, and hoping that as the posts add up, they'll paint the picture of my life.

And for posterity's sake... Today I had a lovely meal with a couple of out of town friends, including our friend who married us in August, at a really fancy restaurant for prix fixed Restaurant Week lunch. Was late to immigration after already having skipped a class, five days into the semester. Go me! Logged on to find the last of my grades awaiting me... an "A" in political and civil rights... WOAH! YAY! A "C+" in employment law. Fuuuuuuuuuu.... Dammit. Thought to myself: "So this is why they don't give us our grades until the new semester starts. To keep us from drinking ourselves into oblivion during the winter break." I got home intending to walk the dog briefly and crawl in bed. (I'm sick.) He dropped a gross watery something into the grass, and when we got home, retreated immediately to T's office. I followed him to discover a foul-smelling pile of goo on the carpet. I am waiting for T to come home with the papertowels so I can clean up his mess. Yuck. I have a ton of Civ Pro reading to do, and my Corporations book hasn't come in. Can I take my Theraflu yet?

Back when I knew it all

It's been almost two years since I started this blog on February 22, 2008. I started it at work, from my private office, behind my mahogany desk, in a fit of feeling old. My first entries were about my short-lived experimentation with the South Beach diet, my attempts to manage my personal finances, and suddenly feeling grown up. The entire tag-line for my blog, "in which the author expounds upon life over the age of 25," stemmed from this sense that 25 was an invisible, equatorial line, and most of the people in my life were below it while I was above it. T was 24. Our friends in Richmond were 24 or younger. I was "about" to turn 27. I felt older and out of place.

Isn't it funny, then, that I feel so much younger now? Younger than I want to feel, I might add. I feel this way for three reasons: First, because I don't have a kid. This is the kind of younger that you feel when all your friends got their period and you hadn't yet. It's the kind of younger that isn't really a reflection of your age, but is actually some kind of milestone or rite of passage with as much or as little meaning as you choose to bestow upon it. Second, because I am in school. Unlike the private office and the bi-monthly salary, Jansport backpacks and student loans just exude an aura of youth. There's no two ways around it: while everyone else has to get up for work in the morning, you are up all night doing homework or going out with friends over winter break. Third, because I am not getting paid. For many people, having a steady job is not an indication of adulthood. There are non-traditional employees, stay at home parents and med/PhD students who are quite grown up. But for me, part of feeling like an adult is knowing I have a steady stream of income upon which I can rely in times of financial need, or simply for the comfort of knowing that I don't have to ask my parents for any help if need be. In fairness, I don't. T is doing the bacon-generating while I'm in school, and I'm so grateful for that. He plays the responsible one who wakes up early every morning and puts on nice clothes, takes vacation days to have time off and sits in a cube from 9 to 6. Thanks to him, I can be investing full-time in my future career as a lawyer, which will hopefully pay off for both of us, and will result in me feeling much more adult than I ever have before. But for now, I am still the one playing Wii to alleviate the stress of final exams.

I could write a whole post on why the fact that I feel less grown up now than I did two years ago is a good thing. I have a love-hate relationship with the stage in my life. But I have to stop writing because I have a date with the people at the work-study office on campus. With any luck, that whole lack-of-income thing will be taken care of before the spring semester starts!

On checking off boxes in life

Several things occurred to me this morning as I was decidedly NOT studying for the myriad law school exams I have yet to take this week...

1. I'm not sure what exactly constitutes a law school blog, but I'm pretty sure mine doesn't. I do touch on being in law school, but it's mostly just the backdrop for my life. If there were a bright line test, I would certainly not meet it. I'm not sure I have enough to meet a totality of the circumstances balancing test.

2. If I'm not careful I can spend way too much time reading other people's blogs. I think I spend too much time imagining myself in others' shoes. I like to read about people who have 10 kids, people who are spouses to people in law school, people who are fans of ralph nader and jesus christ at the same time. I could feel like a lurker in others' lives for half the day if I'm not careful.

3. When I stop measuring my own life up to the lives of anonymous others, I realize that I can do a lot more to improve it and, paradoxically, I have it really really good. I'm 28 and recently married. I spent a lot of time dating my husband before we tied the knot, including time spent in college, time living with my parents, time traveling the globe, time in a long distance relationship, time of heartbreak, time of coming together, time dreaming, time compromising about our futures, time working in retail, time learning how to make radio programs, time living in little mexico, time with a kitten, time with a puppy, time in small towns, small cities, the south and the north. I've done a lot. I used to imagine that by this time in my life, I would have kids, a successful career (as a photographer) and a house. I have none of those things. But it's not because I'm behind. No way. It's because it turns out life moves faster than I expected it to. Because I was just living it, doing the things that made sense to me... after high school, after college, after traveling, after co-habitating with T. It never occurred to me to look at the watch. And I'm glad. Because if I was as hung up on checking off boxes in my earlier twenties as I can sometimes be these days, I never would've:
- Faced down depression and post-graduation fear by taking a bus south of the border and not stopping until Panama
- Eaten mole for breakfast in Oaxaca, Mexico
- Danced cumbia with my uncle in Girardot, Colombia until they shut off the power
- Realized some things are more important to me than solo adventures, and T was one of them.
- Stared my childhood in the face by moving home
- Sought out life-changing therapy
- Learned to force myself to chase my goals even in the face of fear
- Realized how much fun March Madness can be
- Become fluent in Spanish & OSHA regulations
- Mentored 6 amazing kids
- Learned who I am when I live by myself in a city with nobody I know
- Adopted my wonderful, bestest dog in the world
- Fallen in love with the South
- Forced myself to move beyond my social fears and push myself beyond my comfort zone
- Figured out that even with all the right pieces, there's no short cut to a happy ending
- Committed myself to fighting for a happy ending
- Discovered the joys of Virginia
- Enjoyed taking LSAT prep tests in the heat of a summer night
- Applied to law school on a whim
- Moved to a big city at the age of 27 just for the experience

And so much more.

Why am I writing all of this? To remind myself, I guess, that I am where I am because of how I got here. To remember all the things I've done. And to break myself out of the box-checking mode that has me longing to be done with school and on to other things. To imagine all the things I'll be able to add to that list from this experience here in law school and in the Big City.

i have a small flower, and a tiny little butterfly on my...thigh

So I've been reading The Brief and Wonderous Life of Oscar Wao by that awesome Dominican author Junot Diaz, who also wrote Drown. Among its many other wonderful qualities, the narrator's charming Spanglish has me hooked.

And today, I discover this awesome blog. Among its many awesome features, the blog appears to be doing a weekly recap of Modern Family, which is verging on becoming my new favorite HILARIOUS show. I like Guanabee's recap because they focus on Colombian trophy wife & her son Manny, which no other reviewers seem to do, and have something to say about nearly every joke assigned to those two characters. It's great!

Why getting to 2L year is like having a second kid

i have to preface what i'm about to do with a disclaimer admission or three. first, YES, i do read pregnancy blogs. (i also read parenting blogs, quiverfull blogs, grandma blogs, law student blogs and blogs about how to dress yourself. and my IRL friends' blogs. and people i hardly knew in college's's blogs.) second, YES, i am supposed to be reading about trust & estates, employment law and political and civil rights right now. third, NO, i am not wearing pants.

which is all pretty much typical for 9:30 on a weeknight, and was all true about 5 minutes ago when i came across a cute little post on A Little Pregnant, where i washed up after one of my nightly blog-surfing expeditions. half of my mind was blissfully tuned out of MY reality and into some other sucker's life. the other half was doubtlessly fixated on all the work i should be (but am not) doing. but as i continued to read, i realized that this crazy woman, describing her experience with a second kid, was starting to sound a LOT like me, describing my experience with a second year of law school to anyone who will listen.

thus, i present to you, "Why Getting to 2L Year is Like Having a Second Kid":

It is easier this time around, everything about babyhood law school, exactly like everyone told me it would be. That's true for a lot of reasons, most of them obvious, all based on prior experience: you know the tough parts end; you know that one day you'll have more time to yourself, more sleep, more sex; you know how to take care of a baby not fail your classes; you know that even if the baby you runs a high fever, develops a full-body rash, and suddenly sprouts a third eye just so he you can cry more, it's probably just a virus time to start outlining. That experience is much more persuasive than anyone else's assurances, so while the drudgery — I mean the endlessly repetitive daily blessings, hallelujah, lo, how I love skimming vomit from the bathtub! not having to go to work! Blueberries Greenbacks, aweigh! — of keeping a baby the dream of becoming a lawyer alive is the same, my feelings about it are altogether different this time. (This time I think, Could be worse. Could be hot dog med school.)

A Piedmonth death

The other blog is tentatively back up and running. I stopped a while back. At the time, I thought it had to do with my grueling exam schedule and general law school distractions. But upon later reflection, I've realized that it may also have been sparked by a couple of things...

I started the blog with the intention of posting articles about ICE raids on homes and work places. This is because there were so many rumors milling around Richmond about la migra coming at night and hauling parents away from kids, etc. I know how rumors spread rampant in this regard, but I also know that fear of ICE is very real. I wanted to try to figure out what is actually happening and where and when and to whom.

Not surprisingly, there wasn't much in the way of news reporting about these types of raids. It's so frustrating, because they ARE happening. They just aren't reported on. But, occasionally, there is a big raid, or an inspired journalist, and a story appears. So I wanted to post those, so I would have a reason to keep looking and others would have a way to keep track.

However, I quickly realized that there is a slipperly slope. I didn't want to post stories about criminals who were being deported after doing jail time, because that wasn't really hitting the heart of the issue as I saw it. The idea that people are just living their lives and then suddenly they are in jail was really upsetting to me. So I started setting guidelines: no articles about those who were arrested for other things and happened to be deportable, for example. No articles about drug busts at the border.

Yet those are the kinds of deportations that ARE reported on, and with regularity. It's no wonder people think all immigrants with brown skin are criminals. Every day there are 100s of articles about immigrants accused of molestation, beating their kids to death, smuggling drugs or killing pedestrians in drunk driving accidents. Tons of articles about those people being arrested and getting ICE holds placed on them. "Juan Garcia was arrested and an immigration hold has been placed on him by federal immigration officials." Which brings with it two problems: (1) Juan Garcia hasn't been tried, so we don't know if he is guilty or innocent; all we know is he is accused. (2) "Immigration hold" just means the person is suspected of being in the country illegally. It doesn't mean he is or isn't.

So many questions. Literally, they are endless. Even though these people are accused of crimes, I still consider them to be tied to the issue of immigrant rights. Because who knows what happens to Juan Garcia after the hold is placed. Is he held for 48 hours and released? Is he improperly held longer? Did ICE officials actually pick him up? Was he a US citizen? It's just another person who entered into the US criminal justice system only to be handed over to this Other World where the usual rules of justice and due process don't seem to apply. Just that instead of seeming totally innocent, they were already branded criminal.

The line became even fuzzier when I started seeing articles (or mostly just blurbs in Police Blotters) about individuals who were pulled over for the ever-generic "traffic violations" and ended up with ICE holds placed on them. Getting pulled over is not the same thing as having your house raided. But then again, making an illegal right turn on red is no reason to be thrown into that Other World, the maze of immigration that usually ends up in either swift deportation or months of languishing in prison (and then deportation). Who are these people? What happens to them? Are they receiving justice?

In short, there were way more questions than answers. I have had so much trouble distinguishing what to post and not post. What is appropriate and not appropriate. I wanted to be fair. I wanted to attract people from both sides, to just look at it from an objective point of view. But you can't pick and choose articles without choosing your perspective. And on top of that, I DO have a point of view, so I couldn't just leave out articles about detainee deaths.

Which is what I found today when I resumed posting on the blog for the second day. Friends of mine are organizing in Farmville, VA, and happened to be quoted in this New York Times article you will find on my other blog. I was proud of them for making the Times with their work. I was saddened by the horrific occasion. Another death in another jail by another detainee. A Piedmont death.

I have to keep posting, but I am going to continue to struggle with this. I guess we'll see.

Oh yeah, the other reason I stopped posting for a while: it makes me depressed to read this stuff day in and day out. On the other hand, I better get used to it. This is what I want to do for a living.

blog and roll

yay! my "first" "final" is tomorrow. by "first" I mean first since class ended. we had a pass/fail litigation basics exam a few weeks back, so i've already had the pleasure of sitting through one exam. and by "final" I mean a test. but it's not a graded test, so the extent of my preparation for this final was to read over an outline that was created by me and three other classmates, with varying degrees of success. my module, i like to think, was very helpful. still, this is the least stressful of the tests that are coming up over the next three weeks.

which is why i am sitting at the computer finally getting around to adding some links to my blog. there are a bunch of blogs that i like to read, mostly law blogs, but some that are just random blogs i accidentally stumbled across. slowly but surely, i plan to add to the list. this is actually a productive use of my time, because i won't spend several minutes each day clicking through other people's sites in order to find the blogs i want to read.

i wonder if i should be doing more to get ready for this test. but i kind of feel like if i don't know it by now, cramming for the next hour isn't going to do much to help. so: glass of water, maybe a round of super mario bros. 3 and then to bed. but i won't fool myself. this may be the last night of normal sleep i have. after tomorrow, i suspect my days are going to get darker.

You are not alone.

I have decided to do this post for three reasons:
1) To justify my last "post", which was really just one long temper-tantrum about school.
2) Because it's more fun than working on my memo.
3) It might amuse you.

So, explanations aside, here are some recent blog posts I have come across from other law students of various sizes, shapes and colors, who are all struggling at this point in the semester. Fun all around!

In no particular order...

Oh look! Another hand waving for help, another body frantically splashing in the turbulent sea of memo! And a great blog name, to boot! (Laughing: With or At You)

I am so happy that I am not the only person who is driven crazy by little noises in the library (or anywhere else). I'm also pleased that when the word "inchoate" is used in a sentence, I actually know what it means! Fun in the library, part 1. (Terra Nullius)

Q. What would I rather be doing than working on my memo? A. Writing this blog post. Follow-up Q. What would I rather being doing than writing this blog post? A. Taking a nap. 1L babies need our naps! (Lawful Living)

There is this weird vibe going on in the library right now. When I get to school around 9:30 in the morning, it's starting to buzz. By noon, it's pretty much packed with gum chewers and coffee slurpers. At 5, when I'm going home, the place is still in full swing, but there is a lot more slumping. We are like sardines, all packed together and not sure whether we like each other or not. Fun in the library, part 2. (Thanks, But No Thanks)

I have to remember that it's a lie, what they say about second year being better. Apparently it's just as cutthroat. Here's a scary story, that's also kind of hilarious in a "glad it didn't happen to me" sort of way. Bonus: it's in the form of a letter. Double bonus: ranting and raving on par with my last post! ([Useless Dicta])

Last class, Prof Crim asked a student, "What if the safe-cracker had retired?" Student says, "Wait--how does a safe-cracker retire?" It was hilarious at the time. Now, not so much. Weird thing about this post, the exact same conversation happened in one of my classes. (No. 634)

I'm glad I'm not the only one (not-so-secretly) coveting my classmates study skills. That's all I can say about this one. (A Woman In Law School)

And finally....

I found a nice little message of encouragement from one 3L. (Law School for Dummies)

Now, I have to go. I've got a 5,000 memo to write!