Wednesday, July 23, 2008

As the world turns

As my days are winding down here at work, I have a few spare moments to update this blog. I thought I'd take advantage. Sometime in the future, I'll want to take a stroll down memory lane, come to this blog and remember these hectic days. But barely. Because they are flying by, and I'm not doing much note-taking.

We played Katan at J & P's yesterday. That was a welcome change from the new nightly routine of making dinner, surreptitiously looking around for things to throw away or sell on Craigslist, cleaning up and distracting myself from getting anything done until bedtime. Tonight is a different story. Tonight, I pack.

Per usual, the big impending changes in my life are not phasing me in any meaningful way yet. It'll all kick in eventually. Like, around the time we are sweeping out the last of the dog-made tumbleweeds from the corners of the empty bedroom. In many ways, I think my delayed sense of panic is a blessing. It's what helps me to be pro-active about making big decisions. But I admire T for his ability to stay in touch with his feelings at all times. He is struggling with the change much more than I. There are many reasons for this, so it's not as simple as personality differences or the way we manage our emotions. Still. I am impressed by his ability to reason through his feelings every day, and be so open and honest with me about what he's going through.

I started to do a checklist of things I have to do before heading off to the beach. But I'm not even quite there yet. Maybe after tonight, it'll be more clear. Maybe. For now, I'm awaiting my lunch date's arrival.

Monday, July 14, 2008

20 year meme

20 years ago I:
had just turned 7 years old.
was about to be in Ms. Williams' second grade class.
had a haircut that made me look like a boy.
wrote a story called Fireball Island.
was best friends with MB and not yet a Garbage and Trash nerd.

10 years ago I:
had just turned 17 and getting ready for my senior year.
was at UVA for the Young Writers' Workshop.
was madly in love with my boyfriend, in an unhealthy way.
had given no thought to my future.
loved that song "My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit.

5 years ago I:
had just turned 22.
spent 6 days a week delivering Chinese food.
lived in Fredericksburg, VA.
was on a downhill track toward major depression.
went kayaking with T on the Shenandoah for my birthday.

3 years ago I:
had just turned 24.
spent the summer living with T on Hunter St.
was a student at the Center for Documentary Studies.
was still adjusting to life with a dog.
relied heavily on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques to help me cope with social anxiety and other mental health issues.

So far this year I:
turned 27.
got accepted into law school.
have been more in love with T each day.
reaquainted myself with my goddaughter.
have seen my old friends in NC at least 3 times.

Yesterday I:
saw 6 sets of old friends.
ate tacos from Taqueria La Poblana.
reminded A for the 100th time why I don't tutor her anymore.
remembered how beautiful Durham is.
worried about T a lot.

Today I:
over-slept, then kept over-sleeping.
wondered if I should call animal control about my neighbor's dog.
heard Red Rag Top on the K95.
told T I love him.
have not had any coffee yet.

Tomorrow I will:
continue to train my replacement at work.
probably not read from the E&E law book I bought.
get to see my dog again.
wake up with T (hopefully).
do some packing.

In the next year I will:
survive my first year of law school, come hell or high water.
be living in a new and much bigger city.
experience many, many new things.
watch my brother graduate.
strive to be grateful every day for what I've been given.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

the birthday girl

For the first time ever, I feel sad on my birthday. This kind of sucks, and it's taken me by surprise. But today, I am kind of disappointed. Or maybe, I'm just feeling nostalgic and sentimental, in the way that aches a little.

I used to celebrate my birthday with a big party that was not really a celebration of me at all, but rather a celebration of friendship and summer. People would bring bottlerockets and tanks and whistling dixies and in lieu of presents, we would set off fireworks amidst the ring of cars that crowded around the cul-de-sac we affectionately called "the Circle" (as in, "Bye, Mom! I'm going to ride my bike at the circle!").

Well... my boss just told me I should take off early, so I guess I should quit the shoegazing and instead just go live. An ever-useful reminder. Tonight I get to party with my best friend F, with whom I've been enjoying birthdays for going on 15 years. That's something to celebrate.