...and I moved!

In light of major changes in my life, and the fact that Blogger is a part of Google, and Google is increasingly taking over the internet and every shred of our privacy along with it, I decided to switch blogging platforms and create a new blog at the same time. Every time I write a blog post, every time I start a blog, I wonder if I should announce it to my people from Real Life. I blog under the assumption that there are people I know from real life reading, but I never directly address it. Maybe on this next blog, I will.

For those of you (are there any of you?) who have continued to click on my new blog posts, who have continued to check for updates... please consider the new blog an extension of the this one. Except instead of learning to cope with being on the dark-half of my twenties, it starts with me at age 30, a newly minted lawyer and expecting a baby. So, whoo-hoo! Here we go...

Belated return!

Well, it's been wayyyyyyyy too long since I updated. I've gone back and forth about whether to keep blogging here, open up a new blog or just let the whole online blogging thing die a slow and painful death. I've decided to stick with either 1 or 3. I guess we'll see in another couple of months.

It's fitting that my last blog posts were about starting my new job and passing the bar, and now, several months later I've been working myself to exhaustion and hardly had time to think about blogging, much less actually wanting to sit down and write. But T is out of town for work tonight, I've got time on my hands, and I'm kind of tired of watching old re-runs of Malcolm In The Middle and 30 Rock on Netflix. So here's a quick recap on what's been happening since I finished the bar:

I finished the bar at the end of July, and then a week later I had to take the MPREs because I'd never actually gotten around to signing up for them during law school. Let me tell you: that sucked. Don't do that, if you can avoid it. It seemed like everyone else was relaxing and enjoying the fleeting period of time between finishing the bar and starting work/freaking out about not having a job. I didn't get even that fleeting second. Because I took the bar on one week, and had to immediately cram for the MPRE the following Friday, and then started work on Monday. My head was spinning.

But then I went to work, and I pretty much have hardly caught my breath since. I go in most days around 9 a.m. and leave anywhere between 6 p.m. and 9 p.m. That's probably a cakewalk for most first year associates, so I feel bad feeling bad about this. Working with The Gang isn't the typical, "big firm" experience. Still -- did it never occur to me that by going to law school, I was headed toward being an actual lawyer? With lawyer responsibilities and lawyer hours? I was commiserating with a friend who is in a terrible first post-JD job working for an emotionally abusive jerk boss who alternates between screaming at her and confiding his marital problems to her. (She has it worse.) We both agreed that we've learned more in the pair of months that we've been baby attorneys than we did during all of law school, and it's definitely more exhausting and difficult. Yet...

This is exactly the job I wanted. I am working with immigrants who are facing removal proceedings, and I am being given the space and support to come up with creative solutions for defending their right to be/stay here in the United States. I'm helping victims of crimes and their surviving family members navigate through the bureaucracy of state prosecutors' offices. I've attended marriage interviews and asylum hearings and gone to court. I have my first court date here in Big City (my first one was out of town) this week! Really, truly, I love it.

And our apartment is great. We no longer live in Tiny Firetrap Apartment, but have moved exactly one block down the street, to a new third floor walk-up with bigger rooms, hardwood floors, a small porch and roof access. We actually have space to invite friends over, and have been able to host a halloween party, pancake dinner, several game nights and other festivities. When I come home now, after work, I look forward to eating dinner with T, watching a tape or hanging out with him in the office while he works and I surf the internet, and then having quiet cozy time before doing it all over the next day. Most nights now, I'm too tired to go out. But on the weekends, our friends from the neighborhood are all around - we were so lucky to not have to sacrifice our awesome location for an apartment upgrade. We get together, or we walk downtown to go window shopping. Sometimes on Saturdays I have to go to the office for a bit in the early afternoon, but the minute I walk out of the building my mind switches off of work and on to the rest of life. So, life's pretty good. I can honestly say that finishing law school was like stepping outside into a bright sunny day after endless days of being shut up in a dark library. That was one long, difficult stretch, and I don't regret it for a second, even if our paychecks are being devoured by student loan bills. But it sure feels NICE out here in the real world again.

Post #401

I passed the bar! I'm going to be an attorney, it turns out! An immigration attorney, I might add. :)t

back to firsts

I'm done with the lasts.... last class, last exam, last time I ever take the bar (hopefully)...

It's time for the firsts... as in, first day of work. Tomorrow I meet the Gang at the brand new office (literally...it's brand new). I'm very excited to get started on this adventure, but I just really, really hope that I'm going to impress everyone with my mad legal skillz, and not be a rusty old let-down. I'm sure it's fine, and I'm sooo over being self-depracating, but law school the bar exam has done a number on my self-confidence. So.

I'm off now to plan my first day of work outfit, and get a good night's rest!

Professional responsibility

I hope I have it. Because tomorrow morning, a mere 10 days after completing the dreaded, seizure-inducing-to-think-about bar exam, I am taking its much tamer, annoying little cousin: the MPRE. Yep. I was that person our Dean warned us not to be, the one that ignored emails and forgot deadlines and has thus been required to study for the week after the bar, while all my friends are off celebrating.

Ok, so I haven't been studying all week. But I have been studying all most of the day, yesterday and today, so that I feel somewhat more confident about knocking out this little portion of the wall that stands between me and my professional career.

So to recap:
Last Wednesday = last day of the bar
Friday = MPRE
Monday = starting new job

Yikes! Luckily, September 11 = week at the beach. I can not wait.

new haircut new job new chapter

yeap. i finished the bar, for the first time ever, and hopefully the last. and a week from now, i'll be starting my new job as a law clerk for a small immigration group that i shall call The Gang henceforth, for lack of a better descriptor and for anonymity's sake. if i pass the bar, i am anticipating being a young associate attorney, but that's for chillier days of late fall. for now, i plan to walk to the office and do my time as a good little legal researcher and client handler and so on and so forth. i consider myself extremely, incredibly, horrendously lucky to have found a job, all thing considered. and to be able to work in my field, in the kind of small office environment i was hoping for, and to be able to maintain my car-free lifestyle? all blessings that i thank God for. because i sure didn't do anything to deserve them. but i'll do my best to use my blessings for good things, and to remain grateful.

these are exciting times, in so many ways, on the home-front. because of bar stress and all that, i've not updated on the housing / apartment hunt situation. but we are hoping to have a sweet new place in the same neighborhood sometime within the next two months. we managed to negotiate a fair deal with our landlords of the past 3 years, in which they agreed to let us move out whenever we want, as long as we take the responsibility of finding a new tenant that they approve of. so we're not bound for another year at this point, and they don't have to worry about us ditching them in the dead of winter with no prospects for a new tenant. with the new job, the new paycheck, the new apartment (hopefully. soon), the new lease on life, and the new haircut for the first time in OVER A YEAR, i'm feeling nervous and excited at once. things are heating up around here, i'm grabbing my saddle and holding on for the ride.

One day down.

Day #1 down. Essays are over. I bombed the first part of the day. I have a vague recollection of panicking on the first essay and then my memory goes blank until lunch. Second half wasn't as bad. I felt like I knew what I was talking about, understood the call of the question and mostly remembered the rules. It was all about racing the clock on that part.

Tomorrow is the MBE. Tonight, a glass of wine.

the suspense is killing me

But I wasn't finished! I had so much left to do! There's so much left unspoken between me and my bar lecturers. I am fighting SO HARD against the urge to stay up all night cramming. So hard. I want to puke. Gah.

Fear and loathing in a firetrap apartment

It's less than 36 hours until the bar exam. Holy You Know What.

As I told T over dinner tonight, I am alternating between terror and tranquility, feeling petrified and feeling peaceful... afraid...and accepting.

But he doesn't need me to tell him that. He's seen Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde both out in full force over the past weekend. Yesterday, he came home and started trying to fix our broken-in-a-three-digit-heatwave A/C while I was stretched across the floor listening to a lecture on corporate officers for the umpteenth time. "T..." I shouted, as he vacuumed dog fur from the vents, "what you're doing is REALLY ANNOYING!"

"I KNOW!" he called back. "I'm just trying to help, you know."

At which point, I wanted to hurl my giant book of MBE questions at him, but refrained probably out of heat exhaustion rather than actual self-control. Five minutes later, I'm pretty sure we were both asleep. At 6:00 p.m.

Between the heat and the stress, it's been a real bucket of sunshine up in these parts. I just can't wait 'til it's all over. And I pray I won't have to do it again.

Thoughts while I break from bar

After reading this post on white feminism & thinking about privilege playing itself out in the immigrant rights' movement and various legislation campaigns:

Thought: in discouraging police cooperation with ICE, is there something problematic/privileged in focusing on police as gatekeepers to protection from DV?

BETTER NOT TELL YOU NOW

"Am I going to pass the bar exam?" I asked the Magic Google Ball.

The Magic Google Ball responded:



I can't write anything at all right now, but I did discover this gem from Thanks, But No Thanks. If you want an update on me or any other loved one (including yourself, if you are an unfortunate bar candidate also trolling around like a spider-bot looking for answers), I recommend clicking over and reading it.

Last stop before 30

Hey! So in three days, I turn 30. And I hope that I remember to pack a pen and a journal to write about and reflect on turning 30. But I'm not doing it here. Maybe when I get back.

Instead, I'm trying to focus on studying for the state-specific portions of the Bar, and kind of obsessively calculating in the back of my mind at all times what the likelihood is that I'll not pass.

Tomorrow, though, we're headed back down to VA to see my best friend's baby turn 1 (!) and then go camping. Yay! We did that last year for my birthday, and it was awesome. Maybe a little tradition in the making? Who knows.

Oh yeah, and I pretty much didn't do any of the things left to do on my 30 before 30 list since the last time I posted. But that's cool. It just gives me some things to work on over the next year!

Another Friday night during bar prep

Dinner tonight is shells & alfredo sauce (aka mac 'n' cheese) with fried (fake) chicken cutlets. I am letting T nap while I prepare this half-baked (heh) dinner. Afterward, we are hitting the road, along with the dog. I decided that instead of staying home to study this weekend, while he's in Richmond, I'm going to go to my parents' house so the dog and I can have some open air and greenery around us. I'm packing up all my Kaplan books and my laptop, so I don't miss a lecture or a quiz or homework assignment, though I'd be lying to everyone involved if I said I was going to do everything I'm supposed to while I'm gone. I can't even keep up from home.

Oh well. I took a practice MBE earlier this week. Aside from the grueling tedium of sitting for six hours answering multiple choice questions, it wasn't that terrible. I managed to hit the supposed goal posts for this far along in the course. But we're half way through, which means it's getting closer to the Big Day. Errrr... scary!

One thing is for sure, though. I am lucky to have this wonderful man in my life who works hard every day to make sure we have money for groceries and gas and electricity and the occasional dinner out, so I don't have to totally freak about money while I study. It helps that he's handsome and has a good sense of humor too. Love ya, T!

Own Date

Took myself out on a very lovely date tonight.

T and the dog are gone for the weekend, down in Virginia visiting his parents with my brother in law. They drove off this afternoon, and I walked them to the car, wearing flip flops with socks and trying to ignore the fact that the sidewalks were crowded with summer Friday passersby. This is the second weekend in a row (and next weekend will be the third) that T has left town for at least part of the time. Last week, he was visiting friends in NYC and next week he will be down in VA again. I'm so glad he's taking advantage of the summer and getting out and about to see friends and reconnect. But I do miss him. Already. And with both him AND the dog gone, the house feels especially quiet and lonely.

But I've never been one to dislike solitude. So after reviewing contract formation for the trillionth time (I take back what I said about learning anything useful for the bar in Advanced Contracts), I grabbed my keys, wallet and the Summer Fiction edition of the New Yorker, and just walked out the house. No feeling guilty about leaving the dog. No rushing to be on time. I just went down the stairs, stepped out onto the sidewalk and walked the two and a half blocks to one of our favorite Mexican restaurants.

Yes, at first it felt awkward to be standing in a restaurant filled with groups of young people, downing margaritas while servers hustled and bustled around the room, and to not be noticed, and then mistaken for a member of another party. But once I settled in with my chips and coke (and once my spilled coke was mopped up and replaced...yikes! Good thing I don't need to impress myself!) I was able to Just. Chill. Out.

While eating my chicken mole enchiladas, I started reading this really awesome short story by Jeffrey Eugenides (author of the amazing Middlesex). The short story Asleep in the Lord, is about a 23-year old religious studies major and uncertain Christian who set off to travel around the world in search of spirituality and ends up volunteering in Calcutta at a hospice run by Mother Teresa. He is trying to figure out where he fits in in the world around him, wedged as he is between the strait-laced European Catholic volunteers and the hippie New Age backpackers. He is also trying to summon the courage to do the "dirty work" at the hospice, to figure out the relationship between works and faith. Oh, it's good.

I got hooked at the restaurant, and finished the story at the park by my house. On Fridays in the summertime, there is always a family-friendly musical act going on at the park. When I rolled in, still feeling weird about being there without the dog, kids were running everywhere, young parents chatting it up and band members packing up gear. I sat and read on a park bench.

Now I'm back here, and recounting my brief but pleasant date with myself, because it was lovely, and I wanted to capture this moment. I am content, even if I am missing my husband and my little fur family. And even if I am in the middle of bar prep. We found the apartment we want, and assuming we work out the details the way we would like (it is a little complicated), we'll be able to take it over come September. This makes me extremely happy. The decision was easy, too. T and I went to see it, looked at each other and as soon as we walked out, said, "Let's do it." The best part is that it's only a block down from where we are now, and two doors from T's best friend, and overlooking the park. So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Oh, summer.

Bar classes: to take or not to take?

So bar prep is weird, and has me thinking back to all that conflicting advice about how I should - no shouldn't! - no, I really should enroll in bar classes my second year - AND third! - no, no, I should just take what I want and not worry about the bar. I'm just going to relearn it in bar prep class anyway. But if I know what's good for me I have to take tax - corporations - trusts and estates - crim pro because I'm going to need it for the bar.

Uh huh. Clear as mud.

I'm about three weeks into bar prep classes now, and what I've found is that I am profoundly glad, in a way that is quite shocking to me, that I took advanced contracts my last semester. I absolutely hated it by the end of April, and was convinced that would be part of my downfall in law school. But now that I've graduated, and I'm listening to long, boring lectures about promissory estoppel and third-party beneficiaries and firm offers, I am SO HAPPY that it's all so fresh in my memory. I find myself just knowing the law to some of this stuff, without really needing to rely on the gazillions of mnemonics and fill-in-the-blank worksheets that Kaplan throws at you. I'm surprising myself, and feel a deep sense of relief in this moment. This is because I only got 3 wrong out of 17 practice questions I just did. Tomorrow will be another day.

On the other hand, I am convinced I had one of the best evidence teachers ever, and I felt really confident about my ability to master hearsay exceptions. Yet, the more I pay attention in bar lectures, the more confused I get. It's almost like I want to just tune it all out and stick with what I know. But that's not working. I took evidence my fall semester of 2L year, and despite feeling on top of the world at the time, I'm quite rusty. I don't trust myself to just KNOW this stuff, and rightly so, because I'm doing just over 50% on my practice problems.

The one cliche about bar prep that I heard during law school that has turned out to be very true is this: Bar review is just that - a review. Don't plan to learn the material there for the first time. It's too much material in too little time.

So in the end, yeah, I guess I come out in favor of taking the bar prep classes, but maybe just the ones that interest you. Cause I sure as hell didn't take taxation. Ask me if my opinion has changed after we do that portion of the review.

Productive days

Some days feel more productive than others. I'm not talking about bar prep, although the sentiment certainly applies to my Kaplan studies. Yesterday, I replanted my little cilantro seedling, only realizing afterward that the seed packet said they don't replant well. I also knocked one of my seedling pots off the third story window, and had to run down two flights of stairs and scoop up my baby plants before a passerby squashed them or they dried out in the scorching sidewalk heat. Hopefully, they'll survive.

Yesterday I also made an appointment with a new lady doctor. Making a doctor's appointment always feels productive. It's a way to take control of one's life, and I've been doing a lot of that lately. Or trying.

So who knows: will today be a productive day, or a day that I sit around and do nothing? I guess it's up to me.

Computers are the new TV

So T and I have decided to commit to turning our computers off at 11:00 p.m. every night this week. It's been three days so far. I have to say, this little step toward being more intentional with our lives is quite refreshing. I made my lunch ahead of time last night, with a side of green beans. (Anyone?) I'm looking forward to 29 minutes from now!

Placeholder

Ok, I take it back. Studying for the bar isn't all it's cracked up to be, whatsoever. Or should I say, it IS all it's cracked up to be...and that's not much.

But whatever, I'm not here to complain about bar review. I guess I'm just here to hold a place for the blog for whenever I can summon the energy, interest and self-awareness needed to continue posting. For now, I'm going to slink back into silence.

Studying for the bar now.

I am actually studying for the Bar. I'm actually studying for the Bar! Woo-eee! I feel like I've arrived :)

Hmm. Ask me again in four weeks. I suspect I'll be singing a different tune. I just can't believe I'm now doing what all those law blawgers were doing when I started following them 3 or 4 years ago, as I was considering whether to apply. Sweet!

5 weeks, 2 days (don't blink)

When I contemplated the idea of going to law school, it was actually a sticking point that I would be almost 30 when I graduated. I thought to myself: "But if I go to law school, I'll be turning thirty - THIRTY!! - when I get out!" As if by not going to law school, I would somehow stop the passage of time. I guess I'll never know... ha!

Now I've knocked out law school, I am preparing to knock out the big 3-0 in just a few weeks. That means reassessing the many (many) things on my 30 before 30 list that I have yet to do. Along with patting myself on the back for the ones I've accomplished!

Without further ado, a recap (for myself of course):

1) Read the New Testament
2) Plant a (herb?) garden
3) Perfect grandma's chicken and rice
4) Learn to cook Ajiaco
5) Attend Catholic mass in Italian Latin and Spanish *
6) Get a Brazilian wax
7) Be able to do a new hairstyle (no ponytails)
8) Introduce T to my Colombian relatives
9) Learn to hem / basic sewing
10) Record my dad's life story
11) Visit my bro in CO or wherever he is
12) Run in a race
13) Play on an intramural/community sports team
14) Get a bike
15) Go back country camping
16) Go fishing
17) Spend a night dancing at a Latin music club
18) Shoot a roll of film & frame a new picture for my walls
19) Take a Tae Kwon Do class
20) Take a yoga class
21) Publish a zine
22) Ride a wave on a surf board
23) Take accordion lessons
24) Be a regular volunteer
25) Visit at least two local museums
26) Do an agility course with E
27) Play blackjack in a casino
28) Get a spray tan
29) Visit a farm with my mom
30) Take a road trip with T

* I went to Catholic mass in Latin and decided that I'd had enough novelty mass. However, I also went to a UMC church service out of curiosity (it happened to be a predominately black church, and I am white, and church in general is still a different scene for me, since I wasn't raised to go) and I'm counting that.

Looking over this list, it's funny some of the things that I haven't done, that I thought for sure I would do. I can't believe I've had two years to shoot a roll of film, and I haven't done it. That seems like the kind of thing you almost don't put on a list like this because it seems too obvious or easy. But, surprise! Two years pass by and it hasn't happened. That's why I encourage people to do these lists and to keep them simple. After all, time flies faster than you'd think. (Don't blink.)

On the other hand, I am quite proud that I have read the entire New Testament and actually introduced T to my relatives in Colombia! I was really looking forward to doing both of those things and knew they'd be crossed off just because I already had plans to do them. But nonetheless, I love that they happened!

And there are some things I never would have done if I hadn't made a list and thought to add them. Planting an herb garden is one. I've always wanted to, but I am sure I wouldn't have actually done it if I hadn't put it on a glorified to-do list. So after I finished my finals, the first thing I did was buy a few little pots and some seeds and get to work! Since we live in a third-floor firetrap apartment, my seedlings only live on my windowsill. But they are thriving - all except for the basil, sadly. Or is it sage? I'm not sure. But I've got sage (or is it basil?), cilantro and dill, and I can't wait to eat them! Yum.

I'm talking like I've run out of time, but I still have 5 wonderfully summery weeks left. (Si dios quiere.) (I am probably going to give myself an extension to the end of 30 anyway, just cause.) I can't wait to get to work on the rest of my list, which is just a list of fun things I want to do, after all. Not chores. Not ambitious goals. Not serious milestones. Just the stuff that I want to be happening while I'm busy making other plans. You know, life.