Thursday, September 25, 2008

Some things happening

1. My uterus is acting up. I guess I'm not supposed to go into details, as my gut tells me that is violating some unwritten rule about what to publicly discuss. But I hate the "women's problems" euphemism. It's so 1950's. So yeah. Let's just leave it at that.

2. The most stressful thing of my 1L year so far is not any of my classes. It's being surrounded by peers for so many hours each week. I hadn't realized how holed up I've been for the last couple of years, until I started here. Being around so many vivacious, friendly and self-assured young people at once, I feel invisible or even worse: dorky. Not in that "dorky" is "cool" way, either. I mean "dorky" the way I was called Garbage and Trash on the playground; "dorky" the way my mom used to comb my hair into a side ponytail and dress me in purple stretch pants; "dorky" the way I called some girl a 'turd' on a field trip because she was mean to me, and everybody made fun of that. Yes. In law school, I have regressed beyond college, beyond high school and middle school... waaaayyyy back to the dreaded elementary school. At times, anyway.

3. We have an extra dog at our house. That dog is not nearly as cute or cuddly as our cute and cuddly E. And the extra dog yowls and cries throughout the night. She stops around the time the jackhammers start up, at seven in the morning.

4. Although feelings are elusive these days, I think I have pinpointed a couple of them: frightened, inadequate, burnt-out. Is that last one a feeling?

5. Oh yeah. And tired. I'm also feeling tired.

6. Right now I'm not exactly focused on the bright and happy spots of my life, but there are plenty. Today I met a woman from a very cool farmworkers legal aid program. They deal exclusively with workers' rights of migrant farmworkers. I got so excited talking with her that I practically jumped into her lap. If class wasn't consuming 100% of my mental energy, I would have probably tried to figure out how to work for her organization.

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