The tree-hugger

Before I forget, I want to describe the most bizarre crazy person I've ever encountered in this city. There are plenty of people who wander around the streets talking to themselves, but this one takes the cake:

On the advice of Carolyn Hax, I decided to round up the dog, steal one of T's books and walk over to a nearby park to read in the sunshine. First day post-finals merits this kind of indulgence! So I'm sitting in the park - it's a giant square with sidewalks criss-crossing through it, and benches all along the way. E is lounging in the sun, making eyes at a golden retriever twice his age who is lolling around on the pavement. I'm alternating between reading and giggling with a little boy who keeps coming over to watch E but is too shy to actually get close enough to pet him. All around, the quiet, pleasant chatter of lunchtime conversation buzzes in the air. Then...

*CATCALL WHISTLE* woot-woot!

Here comes this man, an older fellow, dressed in business casual, with an out of control beard and one lazy eye, sauntering up the sidewalk toward me and the dog.

"Wow!" he proclaims loudly. "Take a look at that! What a beaut." I see that his head is pointed in the direction of the golden retriever's owner, a matronly woman, not unattractive but not dressed to impress by any stretch of the imagination. This is starting to get uncomfortable, he's getting closer to me.

"Have you ever seen a tree that looks so good!? Now that's a tree!"

Wait. What?

Crazy man keeps strolling his cartoon stroll down the walk, approaching me and E. E catches his attention.

"Hey, pretty dog!" he exclaims. "That's a good looking dog!"

"Thank you," I reply demurely, not wanting to engage in conversation.

He continues walking but keeps his eyes fixed on my dog. Until something else catches his attention... the giant oak tree providing our shade. The man looks the enormous trunk up and down.

"Wow!" His smile gets wider. "How about that tree! Whatta tree!"

If only these words could do his voice justice. This ranks up there with the guy in the park in DC who shouted at me that I must be a cowgirl on account of my bow legs.