Sunday, January 3, 2010


I am thrilled that we are beginning not only a new year, but a new decade. I'm surprised to find myself happy about such a heavy marker of how quickly time passes. But when it comes down to it, I'm happy to be moving forward rather than trying to cling to the past. Moving forward means progressing, getting better at things, becoming wiser (hopefully)... That's my hope for this new year, anyway.

Resolutions aren't really something I make a big deal out of each year. In the spirit of my first post of 2010, however, I think it's appropriate to reflect on what I could do better. So, in no particular order, here goes...

1. Be a better partner.
T and I were talking on the plane ride out to Colorado about something that I had read out in the blogosphere recently, in a post about things nobody tells you about marriage. I remarked to him that getting married has really made me see how selfish I am. Surprisingly, he said he felt the same way. Before we were married, I felt like everything I did to help out T was a gift out of love. You don't give gifts every day, do you? They are special, a treat, something that can be bestowed or not, at the pleasure of the gift-giver.

But almost immediately after we became marrieds, I began noticing all the opportunities I was not taking to help with all of the little things in life that makes running a joint household so much smoother -- unloading the dishwasher, paying a parking ticket on time, studying during the day so I have more time in the evening to hang out, making the coffee in the morning. I have so much to learn about being a good partner, and it starts with my attitude. So, my first resolution of this year is to work on being a better partner by viewing my actions less as gifts and more opportunities to give T a reason to feel as grateful as I do for this partnership.

2. Plan ahead.
We knew we wanted to go to Denver, but we weren't entirely ready to commit to a date. I watched the plane ticket prices skyrocket from a non-stop flight out of our home airport for under $200 round-trip, to $400 for a flight with two layovers each way. We ended up having to drive an hour and a half to get to a smaller airport, where we'd have to stopover in my hometown just to pay the same price. And I had to defer an exam so we wouldn't miss our flight.

That's just the latest example, in a year where I lost a chance to get grant money for the summer, had to pay exorbitant late fees on parking tickets and swore up and down to my aunt that my failure to make car reservations for our all-expenses paid honeymoon trip wasn't out of a lack of gratefulness but due to my embarrassing procrastination. I could rattle off a list of reasons excuses, but what's the point? I can do better. This year, I resolve to have the difficult conversations, quit avoiding unpleasant tasks and simply get the job done sooner.

3. Appreciate my family.
I lost my uncle in 2009. One of the things I am most grateful for when I reflect back on my relationship with him is that it existed beyond my childhood. He and his family moved away from the area where I grew up when I was very young. I remember someone telling me they'd be back in 5 years, and thinking that 5 years seemed like an eternity. I kept waiting and waiting for my cousins to live closer again, and eventually I realized that well over 10 years had passed, and they weren't coming back. Shortly after, my uncle divorced his wife and moved back to his and my dad's home country. It would've been easy for him to remain a distant character in my life at that point. He almost did.

My junior year of college, he was visiting home and my dad drove him down to see me at school. At the time, a professor was trying to get me to apply for a grant and travel abroad, since she knew I was restless and itching to get out of town. As I told my uncle and dad about this idea, they encouraged me to consider going down to Colombia. My uncle invited me to stay with him there, and for some reason, I uncharacteristically jumped at the invitation. I scribbled out a grant proposal and within months was down to my family's country of origin for the first time in my life. I've been back every two years since.

At our wedding, my uncle wasn't there, but my aunt who lives out in Colorado was. So were my two cousins that had moved away so many years ago, who never returned and who I saw for the first time in years only a month earlier at their father's funeral. There is so much family out there that I love dearly and don't want to lose touch with. This year, I resolve to make a greater effort to stay in touch with my loved ones, including my own parents. I've got Skype now. I've got a husband who actually likes getting to know all the characters in my gnarled family tree. I've just gotta do it!

4. Get through some of those 30 things I want to do before I turn 30.
Enough said!

So those are my resolutions for 2010. None have anything to do with law school, thank goodness. I'll be happy simply to get through my second year and get a job. And if I stick to resolutions #1 & #2, I should be able to get paid. There ya have it! Anyone else got any resolutions?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is a thoughtful list. I enjoyed reading it.

ps - I have linked you into my bLAWg Roll. Happy new year!