Thursday, December 11, 2008

There was something about a rabid pig.....*

I am done with Torts... woo hoo! woo hoo! I'm bouncing around in my seat, and the words I type here are actually a great little ditty in my head that I will no doubt be singing over and over to T for the next 24 hours. Until I realize that contracts is up next. But that's for later. Right now... woo hoo! woo hoo!

I still have a lot to type about! But I came on here to talk about why I decided to go to law school. Not because I need to explain it to anyone. Just because I remembered the other night, laying in bed, and I want to remember it again. You see... just a year and a half ago, I was sadly realizing that my job sucked. I was a human resources coordinator for an LLC that had no previous "real" HR person. It was a tough job, first of all because I met with a lot of resistance, and second of all because I didn't really enjoy where my priorities had to fall in the position (making the company save money). The job I'd had before was for a family run company, so I got to pretty much make impassioned pleas to my boss that this safety measure or that HR initiative would be good for employees and, thus, good for business. It was a lot more fun, plus I got to practice my spanish every day and learned a lot about immigrant culture.

Anyway, my boss at the HR job approached me and told me that the company was moving in a direction that would involve a major reworking of my position. It meant I would be involved with project coordination and, basically, a lot of letter writing and administrative tasks. Not what I had in mind. He told me I could stay and they would be happy, or I could leave if it wasn't what I had in mind. This is after five months on the job. Yeah. The perils of signing on with a small venture capital firm.

So, I went home that day both happy and bewildered. It was a great chance to get out of my job, but I had no idea what I wanted to do. I briefly entertained some jobs in construction and other safety jobs, similar (I thought) to what I was doing before. But when I turned down a great opportunity because it was at a meat packing plant, I realized I needed to get my sh*t together. That's when the baby dreams started.

Wouldn't it be nice, I thought to myself, if I had a baby? Wouldn't it be great to get to introduce this hypothetical baby to all my great music? How awesome would it be to get to love on that cute thing all day? What if I got married? What would the wedding be like? Etc. etc. I was in therapy at the time, but it didn't take a therapist for me to see that I was trying to fill some kind of void.

Not that having a baby or getting married was something I didn't really want. It's just... it's not what I was looking for. I was actually looking for, I don't know... something. Something meaningful? I started asking myself: Well, if you were to have this "baby" then what kind of mother would you want to be to it? I started thinking about the example I'd want to set for my future kids. I started thinking about the example my parents set for me. And then I started thinking about all the things I wanted to do for a living. I started thinking about standing up for the people I cared out.

Finally, I started thinking about law school. Not because I want to be a lawyer because it would set such a good example for my (future) kids. It's just that I realized that I need to do what's going to make me happy *for me*. Because it wouldn't ever be fair to have a kid just to make myself happy (not to mention that whole big issue of convincing that other person to go along with your plans...). I remembered that I needed to figure out what was going to fulfill me, what was going to make me feel like I was being the best person I could be, so that my kids would see that's important. And they would value their own choices as well.

So in the end, and with a whole lot of other factors thrown in for good measure, I did decide to go to law school. What an abridged version this is. But ultimately, I like the idea of saying that I went to law school for my kids. Cause I think that's what I'm doing? Going to make myself happy. So that I can have a job that supports this family and also keeps me sane. So T can do what he needs to do to keep himself happy, and stay sane himself. And so eventually, one day, we can grow this happy family. Making the right choices now means having that shot at winding up in the right place in the future. So, grades? Screw them. They aren't why I'm here. I'm just here to make sure I have the options I need. And right now, I'm feeling pretty lucky to be where I'm at.

*...I was going to title my first post-Torts exam blog with the very bizarre last line of my Torts class notes. But I don't remember what that weird last line was, and I don't feel like looking it up.

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