Saturday, November 8, 2008

Saturday morning

It's 8:30 on a Saturday morning. Ordinarily, I would be sound asleep and not even feeling guilty about it. But last night, I visualized myself waking up at 11:30 or noon and feeling disappointed that I had wasted a whole morning. There is a Bar/Bri review of torts at school today and I know a lot of my classmates will be there learning, reviewing and generally making the grade. I want to be one of them.

T is out of town, so I have the whole weekend to focus (almost) exclusively on studying. Last night, I did some exercises out of the E&E for torts. Today, I am going to work on my graded memo. I found out yesterday that I really messed up when I went to check my appointment time for my meeting with the writing professor. Turned out to be at noon... the day before. I went to talk to her about it and she assured me that there was no other time available for her to meet with me. So. I'm hoping I can work around the giant hole I just blew into my foot.

My mind keeps wandering back to this one moment in my freshman year of undergrad, when me and the girls were all studying for finals in the midst of the holiday cheer. One sunny afternoon I wandered into my suitemates' room and found them taking a break to watch How the Grinch Stole Xmas on their little tiny t.v. Naturally, I settled in to watch it too! What I remember about that afternoon was the coziness and the amalgam of feelings... warmth, friendship, familiarity (The Grinch has been my favorite since I was in diapers), sense of purpose... I don't know. It was just a nice feeling. So I often think of that moment when I am bundled up on the couch reading for Contracts with a cup of tea or when I am scurrying across the street from my law building to meet classmates at the bookstore on a cold day. It makes me feel good about being in law school despite the exponentially increasing stress. I have also taken to muttering to myself in the elevator (or the hallway outside my writing professor's office) that bumper sticker mantra, "let go, let God." I'm trying to trust that no matter what happens with law school, my grades are just my grades, and even if I flunk out and never end up getting to practice law and still find myself in all the debt from this year... I'll still get to live my life and I'll always gravitate toward happiness and balance, and eventually, it'll work out.

If this post sounds overly... I don't know. Dramatic? Whiny? Hallmark-y? Well, it's because law school has seriously changed over the last couple of weeks. Shit got HARD! I'm just trying to keep sane right about now.

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