Feel like I'm drowning

Not to get all graphic, but you know how you can drown from the inside out? Well, I feel like that's what's happening to me, in some weird metaphorical sense. Every time I look at one of my casebooks (or at least the pages, as I've torn them out of the binding and stuffed them into notebooks) I feel a wave of nausea pass over me. I sit down to read and instead feel an overwhelming compulsion to play Uno Freefall on my cell phone. Or cry. Or scream and rave like a madwoman. Or bake little mini peanut butter pies. Gah! I'm not getting anything done.

Here's the shitty thing. I'm sure I sound like a lunatic or a melodramatic mary to anyone (anyone?) reading this. I honestly cannot even explain to myself why I feel like I'm going crazy. But I just am. Going. Crazy. Of course this is just a rant, and I'm probably not all that miserable. I am kind of just giving in to the madness. But for real: I am spending my days surrounded by smart people whose noses haven't come out of the books since before Halloween. Today, I accidentally left all my relevant work at home, so I had to leave school by 1 pm. At the beginning of the semester, that would have been a cheery opportunity to "read" at home or in a coffee shop. But now, that kind of mistake just feels like the equivalent of chopping off my pinky toe, handing it to a classmate and saying, "Hey! Hang onto this for good luck. I'm sure you'll do great on exams! Maybe you can have MY scholarship money."

Irony of all ironies. I'm writing this instead of doing my reading for tomorrow. I just can't crack down like the rest of the loonies in this bin seem to be able to do. And it's driving me insane.