For real

I just read my last post, and I realize that it's the kind of obnoxious "study-update" that I love/hate reading on other 1L blogs. I actually said to one of my classmates, who had me cornered in the computer lab the other day and asked me point blank if I was finished outlining, "I'm not going to answer that question. I don't talk about what I've done and I don't want to know what you've done." Probably sounded way too arrogant, but I just couldn't deal with politeness in that moment. I was trying to get home. It was late and rainy.

For all the bitching I've done, I do enjoy the rush of finals. Especially in the wintertime, when there's really no good reason to be outside doing other things anyway. Today, I actually felt sad at the end of Contracts, our last Contracts class of the semester. Later, I felt slightly less sad at the end of our Crim Law class, only because our professor, who rules, promised to meet our class at a bar after our final (the last one) is over. Tomorrow, when our last Torts class ends at 10:20, I'm sure I'll hardly even feel a thing.

It's just frightening how quickly time flies. Or maybe it's just bizarre to experience "student" life again. I remember last fall when I was taking an HR course through work. It was on the U of R campus, and I'd go at night after work let out. When the class ended each Wednesday, I would get in my car and drive home, silently pondering the brick walkways and cozy study nooks scattered all over campus. I would remember what student life was like, because then student life meant college, which was way over for me. No thanks. Don't want to go back. But still nice, the memory.

And now this? I'm back in it all over again? It feels, still, sometimes, as if I am in a dream where I have to relive school. Except I'm not reliving anything. I'm living this experience for the first time: this city, this apartment, this age (27), this stage in my relationship with T, with my parents, my friends... It's completely new. So why does it feel so familiar?